5 Embarrassingly Bad Batman Habits That Had to Go

We all have bad habits.

Things we want to keep in the past and would rather our friends not know about us.

But Batman is better than us, right? He’s a master of martial arts, criminology, a a world class detective and apparently a real jack-ass.

It’s time to rifle through Batman’s dirty laundry and shake some skeletons out of the closet and see what turns up.

Here is a list of the Dark Knight’s embarrassingly bad habits, some of which he has managed to beat.

Let’s count down 5 of Batman’s most ill-advised habits, and I’m sure you can suggest a few Bad Batman Habits in the comments.

#5 BATMAN’S CHAIN SMOKING HABIT

In the modern comics Batman is in tip top shape. But it was not always that way. In his earliest appearances he was constantly smoking a tobacco pipe, fitting in time to solve murder cases when we was bored, nor too busy smoking.

Smokey Wayne is on the Case!

Batman / Bruce Wayne loved a good puff back in the day.

Sometimes when he was not busy smoking he would even consider solving a case or two. Because he had “nothing else to do”.

“A murder, how frightfully boring!”

#4 BATMAN USES GUNS

It is no secret that Batman used guns in his first year as a masked dual identity avenger. But that was swiftly changed when the DC staff realized how much kids loved batman – they did away with the guns. Modern Batman has also used guns sometimes, usually getting retconned away at the blink of a batarang.

I love the scene where Batman shoots at some explosives as a distraction.

“Well here goes. I hope I don’t get blown up.”

Way to use your that brain of yours Batman. IDIOT!

#3 BATMAN KEEPS KILLING PEOPLE

The cavalier attitude of Batman in his first year as the Dark Knight Detective resulted in significant incidental deaths. Knocking people out of high rise window, off platforms in chemical factories, swinging into a dudes neck with his foot resulting in a broken neck, not to mention hanging one of Hugo Strange’s Monster Men in Batman#1.

“Sorry about that old chum!”

In Detective Comics #27 Batman shoves a man over a railing into an acid tank.

In Detective Comics #30 Batman swings toward a bad guy with his head out a window, his foot directly colliding with the unfortunate mans neck. A sickening *snap* highlights the Batman’s brutal treatment of this criminal.

If you thought that was bad, it gets worse. In the back up story in Batman #1 (the same issue where Robin debuts) Batman hangs one of Hugo Strange’s Monster Men.

The Hanging Avenger

On the previous page he fires a mounted machine gun at the bad guys van, commenting

“Much as I hate to take human life, I’m afraid this time it’s necessary!”

Whoops, butterfingers

If you thought that Batman executing a criminal was bad, it gets worse…

In Detective Comics #39, Batman pushes a giant idol onto a whole mess of bad guys with no remorse, and no good for reason for doing it in the first place.

Unlike in the  video games, these guys are not just resting their eyes for a really long time.

Batman expresses his disapproval of all the night rave party

#2 BATMAN IS A DRUG ADDICT

In Legends of the Dark Knight #16-20 Batman gets hooked on the super steroid drug Venom (the same drug that villain Bane would take years later).

After failing to save the life of a young girl trapped underwater by a giant boulder, Batman is convinced he needs to get stronger. Failing to surpass his limits in weight lifting, he turns to a new designer drug from a madman chemist who is out to build his own mindless insane Super Soldiers, and he wants to recruit Batman. (Yeah he’s also the villain SHERLOCK, way to use that Bat-Brain of yours again World’s Best Detective!)

The Dark Knight eventually triumphs, but not before becoming a deranged addict, sending Alfred packing and refusing to read the newspaper.

“You got what I need fella”

            Batman goes to his dealer and also disrespects Alfred. I have not included the panel where he beats                 up a young kid and threatens to rips his head off. No, I’m not joking.

Bruce disrespects his main man Al

An overly aggressive and out of balance Bruce sends his trusty Butler and friend Alfred packing

Legends of the Dark Knight #18,1991 has the infamous cover of a strung out Bruce Wayne. In this issue he comes to his senses and has Alfred lock him in the Batcave for a month in a self-imposed detox.

Somebody needs a bath

And in the next issue after Batman kicks his habit he fights a shark on one of my favourite Batman covers of all time.

Proving to kids that they don’t need drugs to fight crime or beat up innocent sea creatures!

Batman jumps the shark

Okay, some of that stuff was a little bit crazy, but now it’s time to get nuts…

THEN LET’S GET NUTS!!

#1 BATMAN IS BATBALLS CRAZY

In World Finest Comics #153, 1965 Batman becomes convinced that Superman killed his father, slaps Robin for DARING to question his insane crusade to get Superman, and teams up with Lex Luthor (after revealing he is secretly Bruce Wayne/Batman) to finally take down Superman.

Sounds CRAZY?

Well it was.

The story was part of DC’s line of “Imaginary Stories”. Whatever the hell that meant. Stories that were made up for comic books that never really happened. You know, like every comic book story ever.

World’s Finest#153 spawned one of the most well known Batman internet memes

Wait a minute, are not ALL comic books stories made up stories?

Who can say what really happened, what was an imaginary story, hallucination or dream sequence? The writers? The readers? Does anyone really care?

It’s a pointless discussion, as all superhero comics are imaginary stories. But fans actually argue about this kind of nonsense all the time in internet forums, podcasts etc. I’ve never done it… as far as you know.

Anyway, take a look at the images for yourself and see how crazy Batman was in this story.

For my next crime, vandalism of a public figure

Batman is convinced Superman killed his dad! He must get revenge, but not before he vandalizes a giant picture of Superman – the fiend!

Why he bothered to get a near life sized portrait of Superman to scratch up with a knife when he could have been busy getting revenge on his friend I don’t know. But Bruce Wayne is crazy and has loads of money, so he’ll probably write it off come tax time.

Time for a little Bat-Brain-washing old chum

While it is highly unlikely Batman will use any of the bizarre tactics from World’s Finest #153 in Batman V Superman, the idea that he just might makes me laugh.

“I’ll end Superman’s career forever”

Yells an angry Batman to a picture of his parents on the wall.

Yeah, yelling at pictures will get the job done Bats, you nutcase!

Then Batman *slaps* Robin for daring to question his totally bonkers ideas about Superman.

Of course then he hypnotizes Robin (*cough* brain washes) to make him forget their conversation before dashing off like a lunatic to shoot Superman with an air rifle on the next page.

Remember, Batman was NOT on drugs in this story kids, that was a different story.

Help a Superfriend out Brother!

Batman puts his sniper skills to the test, tagging Superman with a radioactive tracer round.

It was probably just super-gas from the super ass!

Superman picks up an odd sound, but otherwise has no idea that his best friend just fired a rifle at him. Some friend Batman is!

Later in the story, Batman knocks out Superman with a Kryptonite Batarang, (as you do for good friends) putting a quick end to the former World’s Finest team. It’s dopey but still kind of cool.

Superman tangles with the disgusting snot encrusted Batarang

During the story Batman reveals his secret identity to Luthor, and teams up with him. The story ends with Batman accidentally finding out (through not using his famous detective skills whatsoever) that Lex Luthor was the one who really killed his father. DOH!

Somebody get that Snot-arang off poor Superman before I throw up

The Worlds Greatest Jack-Ass triumphs again.

WHOOPS! Sorry about that old chum. 

“I’ve taken you down with my Kryptonite Batarang and now now I must confess my secret identity to your worst enemy, who is now my new best friend”.

I hope you had as much fun reading this post as I did writing it, it took me ages as I could not stop laughing at some of these crazy panels.

So what bad habits do you feel Batman needs to give up? I look forward to reading your comments.